The Halo Effect

It seems everything claims to be <something something> gold. Oil is black gold. Melted cheese is liquid gold. There’s even red gold, a tomato company.

It’s just not fair!

It seems like a one-way street. They get to use (without paying!) the good name of gold, but gold gets nothing from them. How would you even say it? Gold is metallic petroleum? Or precious pasta sauce?

One Gold to Rule Them All

Speaking of precious, gold will forever be tarnished by that evil old creature in Lord of the Rings, who lusted for it in a most unseemly way. We are speaking, of course, about Lord Denethor who said he would only use it in the “utmost end of need”. Denethor is a fictional character, but he gave this idea to many people who now view gold this way. Oh, yeah, of course Gollum also tarred gold with his evil brush. He constantly hissed about, “my precious!”

We are getting nearer to the heart of the matter. The stoners are calling marijuana—its proper street slang is “weed”—green gold! The nerve! Gold has developed its reputation for thousands of years as a sober metal. And these smokers come along and expropriate the name for a hallucinogenic plant that grows in jungles.

Almost as bad, some foodie—what do they know about precious metals anyways?!—expropriated the name of our favorite yellow metal. They call their cocoa powder brown gold!

Bitcoin as Digital Gold

And this brings us to the crux. Bitcoin is advertised as digital gold. How insulting! We don’t try to call gold analog bitcoin…

…wait.

Yeah, why not?!

It’s time to turn the tables, and the tide. To flip this thing on its head. To get the cart before the horse. To hit the hammer on your head, with a nail. To set this story crooked. To knock the park out of the ball. Why can’t we capitalize on their good name?

Sure, digital gold has only been around, what, 13 years? That’s less long ago than the global financial crisis (we refer to the one before the last one which was due to Covid). So it’s only seen two panics and no recessions yet. But anyways, it’s young, it’s hip, all the cool kids are doing it. And we should crash their party, smoke their—well you get the idea.

It’s Time for Gold to Rebrand

Gold is …

… drum roll please …

*Ta Da!*

“Analog Bitcoin”

This is how we will leverage bitcoin’s excellent reputation for stability volatility!

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